Tout va bien

My cousin, as usual, was right (don’t tell her I said that). So B and I are hanging out at my place on Saturday morning, just lying around and chatting. And suddenly he looks at me and asks, “What’s wrong? Tell me” (he can always tell when something is wrong, it’s scary).

And I took a deep breath and just spilled everything. I told him that I felt that he takes me for granted. That I think that if he really cared he should want to do things that he knows will make me happy (whether it be sending me flowers or planning a nice evening) and he just isn’t. I told him that I wanted to feel special; wanted to be surprised once in a while; that I’m a girl and girls like presents. And that basically the last straw was Valentine’s Day—he obviously made little effort that day and as much as he says he likes me, if he’s not willing to make an effort to show me than it’s just not good enough.

He was silent for while then just put his hand over his heart and said, “Wow, that really hurt me”. And guys, honestly, the look he gave me very nearly broke my heart. He said the fact that I could think that he doesn’t care kills him b/c he’s never felt for anyone the way he feels for me and he didn’t realize that this whole time he made me doubt his feelings. That he’s new to this relationship thing and he just doesn’t know what to do but he’s going to work on it and make sure that I never feel taken for granted. He admitted that Valentine’s Day was pathetic and apologized. And said he understood that simply doing “something” was not good enough and he wishes he had made more of an effort. And he told me about all these things he’s been planning for us in the next couple of weeks and months (weekend getaways around France—including a trip to meet his parents, yikes!). He said that he doesn’t want to lose me and he would do anything he can to make me happy.

And for a long while we just held hands and talked; about how we felt, what we wanted from each other and out of a relationship. And I felt really great afterwards, especially since I said my peace and he listened and there were no hard feelings. I love that we have this open relationship where we can be honest and talk about these things and no one gets defensive or mean. And it felt pretty good to know that his misfire was simply from being a young clueless guy and not b/c he was a cheap bastard.

Just the act of actually voicing my feelings is something! I think it’s actually a sign that I’m maturing (uh..)! Yall know that if this had happened 6 months ago and my boyfriend fu*ked up like this, he would have been kicked to the curb immediately without even a heads up—I probably would have just told him I hate his shoes so he’s dismissed :o)